1
00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:04,765
-? Look up there ?
-? What do you see? ?

2
00:00:04,897 --> 00:00:06,079
? Nature and stuff ?

3
00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,682
-? Like a rock ?
-? And a tree ?

4
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,175
? Oh, the Great North ?

5
00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:13,828
? Way up here,
 you can breathe the air ?

6
00:00:13,997 --> 00:00:15,047
? Catch some fish ?

7
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,682
? Or gaze at a bear ?

8
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:17,908
? Wow ?

9
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:21,245
? Oh, the Great North ?

10
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:22,837
? Here we live, oh, oh ?

11
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,248
? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?

12
00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:25,933
? From longest night
 to longest day ?

13
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:29,737
? In the Great North. ?

14
00:00:31,607 --> 00:00:33,240
[cheering]

15
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:36,036
[producer]
 Tonight, six contestants

16
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,111
 are stranded alone
 to live in the wild.

17
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,371
 The weakest go home.

18
00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:40,781
The last one to remain

19
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,708
 wins $8,000.

20
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,601
 This is Dropped Off to Die.

21
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,436
 [Tobins cheering]

22
00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:49,531
Yes! Dropped Off to Die
is the greatest survival show

23
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,698
of all time!

24
00:00:50,793 --> 00:00:52,700
On Alaskan
local access television.

25
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,461
So, hold up, these people

26
00:00:54,613 --> 00:00:57,948
are putting their lives
in danger for our amusement?

27
00:00:57,949 --> 00:00:59,875
-[giggles] Exactly.
-Uh, don't forget

28
00:00:59,876 --> 00:01:01,510
that the winner gets $8,000.

29
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:04,121
That's not enough money.

30
00:01:04,122 --> 00:01:05,957
-Everyone, grab a themed drink.
-[chuckles]

31
00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:07,475
We call them dirty water-tinis.

32
00:01:07,476 --> 00:01:11,144
A lot of the contestants drink
unsafe water and get so sick.

33
00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:14,239
They can't resist
that cloudy, diseasey water.

34
00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:17,892
Mm-mmm, these have me
bloated and buzzing good.

35
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:22,322
All right, Die-heads, let's
watch some strangers in danger!

36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,974
 I'm a high school principal.

37
00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:25,993
 Conquering the wild will be
 nothing compared to taming

38
00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:27,978
 a rowdy assembly. [chuckles]

39
00:01:27,979 --> 00:01:29,497
-[grunting]
-[wind whooshing]

40
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,665
 -This is hard.
-[Dirt] Dear Lord.

41
00:01:31,817 --> 00:01:33,241
Ooh! Go-Home-Gary alert!

42
00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:35,762
Go-Home-Garys are what we call
the first person to tap out.

43
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:38,097
They are- and I mean this
in the nicest way-

44
00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:41,082
pathetic losers who bring shame
to their families.

45
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,009
They should be exiled
in disgrace

46
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:46,346
to a loud, bustling city
like Indianapolis.

47
00:01:46,347 --> 00:01:47,941
You guys ever think
about how we would

48
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,850
absolutely crush this show?

49
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:52,169
Uh, yeah.
The Tobin Family crest

50
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:55,263
is the perfect summation
of a Dropped Off to Die winner.

51
00:01:55,264 --> 00:01:57,191
[Moon]
Fire-making, shelter-building,

52
00:01:57,192 --> 00:02:00,602
hunting, foraging
and, of course, my favorite:

53
00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:03,180
long periods of isolation.

54
00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:05,182
My God, if a Tobin
ever won the show,

55
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,293
what glory it would bring
to our family.

56
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,354
? ?

57
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:11,779
-[screams]
-[laughing]

58
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,358
Get your ass home, Gary.

59
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,026
[Wolf]
 Hunting skills? Check.

60
00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:17,869
Shelter-building skills?
Check.

61
00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:20,364
Chlamydia?
That's a nah-mydia.

62
00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:23,533
And finally, willing to die
for eight grand?

63
00:02:23,627 --> 00:02:28,038
For Tobin glory,
hell, I'd die for free.

64
00:02:28,039 --> 00:02:30,316
-[computer chimes]
 -Oh! Oh, my God!

65
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,559
Oh, wow!
It's happening.

66
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,969
Honeybee, they're
dropping me off to die!

67
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,304
[gasps]

68
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,323
Let's go!

69
00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:40,475
They're dropping me off to die.

70
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,660
Oh, hell yeah.

71
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,904
They're dropping me off to die.

72
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:44,812
Your whole penis
is showing, Wolf.

73
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,237
[chuckles]
Oh, thank you.

74
00:02:46,241 --> 00:02:47,649
Good morning, Santiago.

75
00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:49,409
They're dropping me off to die!

76
00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:51,245
Congratulations, Wolf.
[gasps]

77
00:02:51,246 --> 00:02:53,005
Someday, I'll die.

78
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,008
-They're dropping me off to-
-[screams]

79
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,842
Oh, my God, I killed Wolf Tobin!

80
00:02:56,993 --> 00:03:00,237
[panting] No one's around.
Just drive, Dorothy, drive.

81
00:03:00,239 --> 00:03:01,439
Good thing I didn't die,

82
00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:03,932
'cause they're
dropping me off to!

83
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,167
[Honeybee]
 My husband,

84
00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:08,763
on TV. This must be what
Tony Shalhoub's wife feels like.

85
00:03:08,764 --> 00:03:11,248
-And Tony Shalhoub's brother.
-I'll miss you.

86
00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:13,418
But I've got a great plan
for while you're gone.

87
00:03:13,419 --> 00:03:15,177
I'm gonna introduce Aunt Dirt
to margaritas.

88
00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:18,846
I don't know this margarita gal,
but I hope she's handsy.

89
00:03:18,847 --> 00:03:20,200
Great idea.
You can easily

90
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,868
lose two months
to those boozy bevs.

91
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,895
Two months? [scoffs]
You're no Go-Home-Gary.

92
00:03:24,896 --> 00:03:26,355
You'll be gone
for at least four.

93
00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:28,690
Plus, two more
for talk show appearances.

94
00:03:28,784 --> 00:03:29,984
Just think of it: my son,

95
00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:32,377
playing freeze tag
with James Fallon.

96
00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,529
Imagine how much
he'll be laughing.

97
00:03:34,623 --> 00:03:36,882
Well, I guess
this is goodbye, Dad.

98
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,277
Wolf, I don't wish
to get overly sentimental,

99
00:03:39,278 --> 00:03:41,945
but when you're out there,
please remember:

100
00:03:41,964 --> 00:03:45,039
after a kill, you can use
an animal's brain to tan a hide.

101
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:48,376
I'm about to tan my cheeks
with my tears, Papa.

102
00:03:48,377 --> 00:03:50,288
I made a doll of you
to keep you company.

103
00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:52,565
It's from my Lil Preppers
lil' whittlin' skills

104
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,215
family portrait project.

105
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:55,625
Aw, he's so haunting.

106
00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:56,902
Thanks, Moon.

107
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,072
[imitates Dr. Evil]
I shall call him Mini-Wolf.

108
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,221
[laughing]

109
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,764
God, I'm gonna miss this man.

110
00:04:01,766 --> 00:04:03,133
[horn honks outside]

111
00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:05,653
[regular voice] Well, that's
my ride. Wolfman out.

112
00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,137
? ?

113
00:04:07,138 --> 00:04:09,249
[Honeybee]
 You're gonna love margaritas.

114
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,309
It's the perfect blend
of tequila and green liquid.

115
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:13,568
What's the big deal?
I've been drunk before.

116
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:15,420
But not margarita drunk.

117
00:04:15,572 --> 00:04:17,497
Fine.

118
00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:19,258
Holy...

119
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,260
Where am I?

120
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,927
-Spring break.
-Wow!

121
00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:24,596
it feels like I'm topless
but I'm not.

122
00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,507
-That means it's working.
-[man] Ho, ho, ho.

123
00:04:27,676 --> 00:04:30,585
Shall we unwrap you?

124
00:04:30,679 --> 00:04:32,012
Whoa!
I was on a beach

125
00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:34,922
and Santa and Mrs. Claus
invited me to throuple?

126
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,142
Margaritas will do that.

127
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,593
And these were just
a homemade ones

128
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:38,853
with cheap tequila
and store-bought mix.

129
00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:40,021
Wait till you try a Cadillac.

130
00:04:40,022 --> 00:04:42,906
It's the Mercedes of margaritas.

131
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,285
Okay, Wolf,
you've seen the show.

132
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:47,935
If you use that walkie
to tap out, you lose.

133
00:04:48,104 --> 00:04:51,290
Also, if you die, you lose
and will be dead.

134
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,352
Here are your two video cameras
to record everything you do,

135
00:04:54,353 --> 00:04:55,777
and I mean everything.

136
00:04:55,778 --> 00:04:57,297
-Even poo-poo?
-Even poo-poo.

137
00:04:57,298 --> 00:05:01,207
Three, two, one
and you're dropped off to die.

138
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,635
Bye!
Love you guys!

139
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,470
It's Tobin time.

140
00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:08,265
-? I'm all right ?
-? I'm all right ?

141
00:05:09,217 --> 00:05:12,035
? Don't nobody worry 'bout me ?

142
00:05:12,054 --> 00:05:14,146
? Why you got to give me
 a fight? ?

143
00:05:14,297 --> 00:05:16,815
? Why don't you just
 let me be? ?

144
00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:19,693
? Everybody let me be. ?

145
00:05:20,562 --> 00:05:22,571
[grunts]

146
00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:25,066
To the Tobins.

147
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,642
Dad, Ham, Honeybee, Moon, Judy,

148
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,310
I'm gonna do you guys proud.

149
00:05:29,311 --> 00:05:30,888
[grizzled]
I know you will, son.

150
00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:31,939
You're my favorite.

151
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,391
[regular voice]
Aw, thanks, Dad.

152
00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:36,209
And now I won't be lonely
out here.

153
00:05:37,746 --> 00:05:40,897
Wow.
It is quiet.

154
00:05:40,898 --> 00:05:41,916
Ooh.

155
00:05:41,917 --> 00:05:43,083
-[own hooting]
-Aah!

156
00:05:43,159 --> 00:05:45,089
[chuckles]
Okay, that was just an owl.

157
00:05:45,161 --> 00:05:46,241
I love owls, actually.

158
00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:47,921
Sounding good out there, my man.

159
00:05:48,073 --> 00:05:49,181
-[twig snaps]
-Aah!

160
00:05:49,332 --> 00:05:50,907
Oh, that was just a twig.

161
00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:52,834
I love twigs, actually.

162
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,502
Snapping good out there, my man.

163
00:05:54,503 --> 00:05:56,672
[quirky voice]
You freaking out, freak boy?

164
00:05:56,673 --> 00:05:57,931
Aah!
Who said that?

165
00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,133
Down here.

166
00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:00,859
Mini-Wolf? You talk?

167
00:06:01,010 --> 00:06:02,861
Oh, I talk real good.

168
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:05,346
What's up?
You scared or something?

169
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,591
Who, me?
Full-size me?

170
00:06:07,609 --> 00:06:09,183
[laughs]
No way.

171
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,853
You've, uh, camped
by yourself before, right?

172
00:06:12,021 --> 00:06:13,780
Yeah, sure, love camping solo.

173
00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:16,449
Like the time I went with Moon
or Judy or Ham

174
00:06:16,602 --> 00:06:19,378
or Dad or Honeybee or, uh-
Oh, boy.

175
00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:20,695
I've never camped solo.

176
00:06:20,696 --> 00:06:22,940
Uh, but that doesn't matter,
cause I'm a Tobin.

177
00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:23,991
-[owl hoots]
-Aah!

178
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:26,218
Oh, there's that owl again.

179
00:06:26,294 --> 00:06:28,628
Or was it the Zodiac Killer
mimicking an owl?

180
00:06:28,629 --> 00:06:30,965
-Why would he do that?
-Why'd he do anything?

181
00:06:30,966 --> 00:06:32,776
We don't know.
They never caught him.

182
00:06:32,784 --> 00:06:33,924
They never caught him?

183
00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:35,710
Google it.
Oh wait, you can't.

184
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,063
No cell phone, no anything.

185
00:06:38,290 --> 00:06:41,441
Just hundreds of dark,
silent nights ahead

186
00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:42,677
to freak you out.

187
00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:44,184
Aah!
I'm not freaking out!

188
00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:46,239
Then why are you chitchatting
with my little ass?

189
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,240
-[cackles]
-Shut up, shut up.

190
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:51,484
Oh, sorry, maybe you want
to talk to your family.

191
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,412
Go-Home-Gary.

192
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:54,654
Aah!

193
00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:56,732
You're gonna die
on a local access show.

194
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,475
[cackles]

195
00:06:58,493 --> 00:07:00,660
Stay the hell back, Snowbins!

196
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:02,829
Aah!
Why did you build us

197
00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:05,148
-to feel pain?
-What's happening?

198
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:07,926
You got dropped off to die,
didn't you, son?

199
00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:09,502
Well, then, die!

200
00:07:09,655 --> 00:07:11,746
Aah!

201
00:07:11,747 --> 00:07:13,324
I'm tapping out,
I'm tapping out!

202
00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:15,768
Pick me up now or there
will be blood on your hands!

203
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,010
I'll-I'll be a skeleton.

204
00:07:17,162 --> 00:07:18,912
There will be bones
on your hands!

205
00:07:18,913 --> 00:07:20,831
[producer]
 Copy that, Wolf. Stay where you are.

206
00:07:20,832 --> 00:07:22,757
 -Someone's nearby.
-Nearby?!

207
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,193
Oh, that's too far!
Aah!

208
00:07:26,004 --> 00:07:28,280
[groans]
So thirsty.

209
00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:29,506
[grunts]

210
00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:30,690
Aah!

211
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,100
Wolf Tobin, nature has spoken.

212
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:36,270
You are officially
picked up to live.

213
00:07:36,348 --> 00:07:37,697
Yikes.
Ten hours.

214
00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:40,942
Quickest tap out
in Dropped Off to Die history.

215
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,519
[retches]

216
00:07:42,537 --> 00:07:43,870
[crying]

217
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,715
I drank the bad water.

218
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:52,286
[Wolf groans]
Oh, man.

219
00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:54,956
My family's whole thing
is wilderness survival.

220
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,217
It's even on our gorgeous
family crest.

221
00:07:57,369 --> 00:07:59,552
Right. You've said that
a few times.

222
00:07:59,705 --> 00:08:02,388
Oh, Father's going to exile me
to Indianapolis.

223
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,225
-It's supposed to be
lovely there. -Andrew, don't.

224
00:08:05,377 --> 00:08:07,802
-Do I turn in here?
-No, no, no!

225
00:08:07,803 --> 00:08:09,989
This is close enough. I don't
want to be seen by my family,

226
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,899
so I'm gonna wait it out
in the woods for a few years.

227
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,068
Okay, but you know
the first episode

228
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,477
airs in six days, right?

229
00:08:16,478 --> 00:08:18,664
We're non-union.
Our editors go through hell.

230
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,998
I know, Andrew.

231
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,226
I'm gonna keep my family
from seeing the show this week

232
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,651
by, uh, by...

233
00:08:23,652 --> 00:08:26,230
Ugh, damn, I thought I'd have it
by the end of that sentence.

234
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:27,672
I'll think of something.

235
00:08:27,824 --> 00:08:29,415
Out here.
Alone again.

236
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,825
[owl hoots]

237
00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:33,161
Oh, uh, actually,
y-you want to hang for a bit?

238
00:08:33,162 --> 00:08:35,922
I'll brew us up my famous
woods coffee. [weak chuckle]

239
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,833
Sure, as a P.A.,
I'm not allowed to say no.

240
00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:41,335
You got to unionize, Andrew.

241
00:08:41,429 --> 00:08:43,246
[Judy]
 I wonder what Wolf

242
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,581
is eating right now.

243
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,633
Maybe a big old pot
of song sparrow stew?

244
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:49,861
Whatever it is,
I'm sure he's rationing it well.

245
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,605
He probably ate
a whole deer for lunch

246
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:54,941
and now he's just playing
its ribs like a xylophone.

247
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,410
[scatting]

248
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,540
[all scatting]

249
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,381
What do you think
he's having for dessert?

250
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:13,109
If you want to race dirt bikes,
you got to pursue it, man.

251
00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:15,445
Okay, okay.
I-I promise I will.

252
00:09:15,538 --> 00:09:17,630
-[Beef whistling a tune]
-Oh, my God.

253
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,708
That's my dad's unmistakable
ax-wielding whistle.

254
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,477
-[choking]
-I can't let him see me.

255
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:24,211
[Andrew coughing]

256
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,430
Hmm?

257
00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,399
-[shushing]
-Sorry, I got a big rock

258
00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:28,716
in my woods coffee.

259
00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:30,735
[Beef]
Hello? Who's there?

260
00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,071
-[grunts]
-If you're a tree pervert,

261
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:36,908
neither I nor my balsam poplars
consent.

262
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,411
Oh, the woods are blown.
We got to get out of here.

263
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,252
On three,
make a break for the van.

264
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:43,081
-One...
-[engine starts]

265
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,900
Andrew, why?

266
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:48,235
Looks like your friend
deserted you.

267
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:49,662
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, no.

268
00:09:49,663 --> 00:09:52,149
Uh-oh, you're gonna get killed
by your own daddy.

269
00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:54,334
-[muffled grunt]
-Show yourself.

270
00:09:54,486 --> 00:09:55,969
[yelps]

271
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:00,390
Ow!

272
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,662
You're safe now, friends.

273
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:06,921
Huh.

274
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,091
That sicko wears
the same sensible boot as Wolf.

275
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,018
[whistling a tune]

276
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,220
[gasps]

277
00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:16,281
Out of the woods,
into the concrete jungle.

278
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:17,948
What the hell does that mean?

279
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,641
I'm gonna hide
somewhere in town.

280
00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:21,953
Oh, okay.
Just say that.

281
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,348
[Wolf]
All right, Cheesecake sleeps

282
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:25,849
until 4:00 p.m. every day.

283
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,737
That should give us time
to get in and...

284
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,610
-Rob your friend blind?
-No.

285
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:33,039
Find a disguise
and figure out my next move.

286
00:10:33,191 --> 00:10:35,133
[snoring]

287
00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:41,306
Well, howdy.

288
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:42,583
[gasps]

289
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,625
Greetings, my khaleesi.

290
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,811
[Southern accent]
Hey, there, partner.

291
00:10:46,963 --> 00:10:48,146
-What the hell?
-Aah!

292
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,316
[regular accent]
Oh, uh, uh, hi. Cheesecake.

293
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,875
I, uh, the thing is, uh...

294
00:10:51,893 --> 00:10:54,486
Who are you?
How do you know my name?

295
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:56,470
Oh, well, I'm, uh...

296
00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:59,306
[Southern accent]
Uh, Rick. Rick Drygoods.

297
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,975
We met last night at a bar,

298
00:11:00,976 --> 00:11:02,887
and y'all invited me
to be your roommate.

299
00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:06,498
I'm a, uh, a widowed rancher
who just moved to town.

300
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:07,891
That adds up.

301
00:11:07,984 --> 00:11:10,126
[yawns] Well, I'm gonna
go back to sleep.

302
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:13,505
-Hang on a minute.
-[Wolf gasps]

303
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:14,782
Uh, yes, sir?

304
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,824
Condolences about your wife.

305
00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:18,568
Oh, mighty kind of you.

306
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:21,404
Yeah, she's square dancing
with the Lord now.

307
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:22,547
Amen.

308
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:23,973
[snoring]

309
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,402
Oh, thank God.

310
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:28,521
Time to start my new life
as Rick Drygoods.

311
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:32,006
I got my shelter, but I'm gonna
have to wrangle myself some grub

312
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:35,176
since Cheesecake here
survives on free candy canes

313
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,419
from the car dealership.

314
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:39,105
Your friend seems like
my kind of fella.

315
00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:41,866
? Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick ?

316
00:11:42,093 --> 00:11:44,277
? Rick, Rick, Rick ?

317
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:47,780
-? Drygoods ?
-? Rick Drygoods. ?

318
00:11:47,933 --> 00:11:50,709
Congrats, Rick,
you work here now.

319
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:54,129
Three for the shelf,
one for the self.

320
00:11:54,864 --> 00:11:56,439
[Dirt]
So, this is

321
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,790
a Cadillac, huh?

322
00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,093
Time to go see Santa.

323
00:12:01,129 --> 00:12:03,555
Cadillac margarita vibes.

324
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,798
Polly desire a libation?

325
00:12:05,951 --> 00:12:07,967
My God, this is fancy.

326
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,044
-Ho, ho, hello.
-[Dirt] Whoa.

327
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,564
That lady Easter Bunny
is objectively hot.

328
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:14,232
Let's have sex.

329
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,627
[Wolf in Southern accent]
 All right, got a place

330
00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:17,718
to hang my hat,

331
00:12:17,812 --> 00:12:19,295
a belly full of peas,

332
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:21,298
things are going pretty good
for ol' Rick.

333
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:22,799
Too bad you're not Rick.

334
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,778
You're Wolf
and you're living a lie.

335
00:12:24,803 --> 00:12:27,394
Now, I don't cotton to that
kind of negative talk.

336
00:12:27,395 --> 00:12:29,231
Oh, I'm sorry,
did you already figure out

337
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:32,417
how to stop your family from
seeing you were a Go-Home-Gary?

338
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,978
[regular accent]
I'm still working on it.

339
00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:35,789
Working on what?
Just strangle 'em.

340
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:37,256
What?!
What's wrong with you?

341
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,181
No bad ideas in a brainstorm.

342
00:12:39,242 --> 00:12:41,985
Fine. I'm writing it down,
but then I'm crossing it out.

343
00:12:41,986 --> 00:12:43,837
Okay, but you better
think of something.

344
00:12:43,838 --> 00:12:47,182
Clock's ticking.
Tick, tock.

345
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:53,019
? Rick, Rick, Rick,
 Rick, Rick! ?

346
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:55,559
[Southern accent]
It's a good day to be Drygoods.

347
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:56,941
Giddyup, Rick.

348
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:59,611
Howdy, ma'am.
Name's Rick Drygoods.

349
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,945
I'm a widowed rancher.

350
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:02,947
And I'm a "widow" bit horny.

351
00:13:03,174 --> 00:13:06,175
? Why you got to give me
 a fight? ?

352
00:13:06,194 --> 00:13:08,344
? Why don't you just
 let me be? ?

353
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:11,197
? Do what you like ?

354
00:13:11,349 --> 00:13:14,200
? Doing it naturally ?

355
00:13:14,369 --> 00:13:15,419
? But if it's too... ?

356
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:16,854
-[laughing]
-Three more miles

357
00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:18,631
to Russell Crowe's
private island.

358
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,857
-[cheering]
-Ho, ho, ho, ho!

359
00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:21,633
Rick Drygoods.
Pleasure.

360
00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,876
Someday, I'll be Rick Drygoods.

361
00:13:24,029 --> 00:13:25,637
? Isn't it a mystery? ?

362
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:28,381
? If it's nobody's business ?

363
00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:30,700
? It's everybody's game... ?

364
00:13:30,718 --> 00:13:32,143
-[grunts]
-Oh, my God!

365
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:35,705
I killed that widowed rancher!
Drive, Dorothy, drive.

366
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:38,358
Nice wagon, lil' lady.

367
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,377
[Ham]
Um, excuse me, sir.

368
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:43,379
-No, no, no! [grunts]
-Aah!

369
00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:46,807
Sorry about that.
Uh, thought you were a-a bandit.

370
00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,067
How can I help y'all?

371
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,903
Well, we're toasting
to my brother kicking butt

372
00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:53,147
on a TV show tonight, and I'm
looking for the sparkling cider.

373
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,557
It used to be here.

374
00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:57,076
Uh, cider's down there
on aisle six.

375
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,503
Easy number to remember

376
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,488
'cause that's how many bullets
are in a revolver.

377
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,398
-Thanks.
-You're welcome, Ham.

378
00:14:02,399 --> 00:14:04,009
[chuckles]
How'd you know my name?

379
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,737
Oh, uh, I was actually talking
to that ham yonder.

380
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:10,348
Oh, sure.
Hello, ham yonder.

381
00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,833
[gasps]
Well, it's, uh, mosey o'clock.

382
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:14,411
Y'all come back now, you hear?

383
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:16,412
-I will. Bye.
-[sniffs]

384
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,248
Huh. That new widowed
ranch hand in town

385
00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:22,843
wears the same sensible
deodorant as Wolf. [sighs]

386
00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,179
Something very familiar
about that fella.

387
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,849
Follow me to the cider.
It's on aisle... [mumbles]

388
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:32,762
Oh, crap. How many bullets
does a revolver have again?

389
00:14:32,763 --> 00:14:34,765
[Wolf in regular accent]
Oh, dang.

390
00:14:34,766 --> 00:14:36,190
I'm officially out of ideas.

391
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,859
-And the show starts tonight.
-[Cheesecake] Come on.

392
00:14:38,937 --> 00:14:40,453
[grunts]

393
00:14:40,454 --> 00:14:43,273
[Southern accent]
Uh, what seems to be the trouble, hombre?

394
00:14:43,274 --> 00:14:46,033
Aw, it's the dang
satellite dish. It's out again.

395
00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:48,277
[regular accent]
Oh, my God, that's it!

396
00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:49,462
That's what I'll do!

397
00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:52,682
Wait, no I lost it.
Wait, no I got it again.

398
00:14:54,969 --> 00:14:57,637
All right,
time to ditch the dish.

399
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,732
You know, after this, we should
do some more crazy crap.

400
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,642
I'm calling it Project Chaos.

401
00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:05,719
Ugh, for the last time,
we're not doing Project Chaos.

402
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,131
We don't have to decide now.

403
00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:09,407
That's the beauty
of Project Chaos.

404
00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:10,742
[muffled grunt]

405
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:18,991
[grunts]

406
00:15:19,144 --> 00:15:21,169
[panting]

407
00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:26,382
Damn, that man can steep a bag.

408
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,555
Uh, oh, my enemy:
daddy longlegs!

409
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:35,642
[grunts]

410
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,358
[exclaims, grunts]

411
00:15:47,338 --> 00:15:51,157
Ew, ew, ew!
Why are their legs so long?

412
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,238
And now I simply...

413
00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:00,866
[whoops]
I did it! Problem solved!

414
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:03,352
Aah! Aah!

415
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,280
[Beef]
All right, everybody,

416
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,661
let's get down to the gazebo

417
00:16:06,662 --> 00:16:07,874
-for the viewing party.
-[door closes]

418
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,376
I heard the whole town's
coming out,

419
00:16:09,377 --> 00:16:12,044
even Gerald the male witch
who lives by the dump.

420
00:16:12,045 --> 00:16:14,531
Do you think Wolf's gonna
remember us after this?

421
00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:18,309
No way, and it will be an honor
to be forgotten by him.

422
00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:19,644
[engine starts]

423
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,037
[van drives away]

424
00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:22,981
Viewing party?
For the whole town?

425
00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:24,148
Oh, no.

426
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,559
I guess there's only
one thing left to do.

427
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,655
You better not say, "Face your
fears and admit your shame."

428
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,138
I hate that kind of crap.

429
00:16:31,139 --> 00:16:33,233
I hate that crap, too,
so I'm not doing it.

430
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,809
We're stealing a snow machine,
going into town,

431
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:39,497
and taking out the power grid.
Aah!

432
00:16:39,648 --> 00:16:41,332
[Judy]
Wow, front row?

433
00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:44,577
My neck's gonna get messed up!

434
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,820
Oh, there's Rick from Val-U-Buy.

435
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:49,733
He helped me find sparkling
cider when I'd lost all hope.

436
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:53,085
Howdy, Mr. Drygoods.
It's me, the other Ham.

437
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:57,923
Huh, Rick uses the same
sensible bolt cutters as I do.

438
00:16:58,076 --> 00:17:00,334
And that's Wolf's snow machi-

439
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,061
Oh, I see.

440
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,084
I'm sorry, local hospitals.

441
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,935
-Hey there, cowboy.
-[gasps] Oh, no.

442
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:13,281
Yes!
It's finally strangling time.

443
00:17:14,779 --> 00:17:19,154
[Southern accent]
Well, hey there Dad. Um, uh, "Dad"

444
00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:21,873
is what we call strangers
on the-the range.

445
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,767
Oh, well in that case.
Hello, Dad, back at you.

446
00:17:24,786 --> 00:17:27,796
I couldn't help but notice
you pointing those bolt cutters

447
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,714
right at the
Lone Moose power grid.

448
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,366
Uh, power grid?
What in the west?

449
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:34,719
Project Chaos his ass.
[muffled grunts]

450
00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:37,947
It seems like you were about to
cut the power to the whole town.

451
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:40,283
And, well, you see,
we need that power grid

452
00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:42,802
for tonight's Dropped Off To Die
viewing party.

453
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,229
My son, Wolf Tobin, is on it.

454
00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:47,306
Well, he sounds like a someone

455
00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:49,959
who definitely isn't me.
[chuckles]

456
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,570
Oh, of course.
I'm just concerned

457
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,720
Wolf may have
tapped out of the show

458
00:17:53,721 --> 00:17:55,407
and gone into hiding
out of shame.

459
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,150
Sounds like a big chicken.
[clucks]

460
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,245
I just hope he knows his family
isn't ashamed of him.

461
00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:03,081
Wait, so you wouldn't be ashamed

462
00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:05,808
even if he was
a pathetic Go-Home-Gary?

463
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:09,253
I mean, i-if your son can't
be alone in the wilderness,

464
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:11,330
is he even really a Tobin?

465
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:13,332
Uh, what about the family crest?

466
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,927
That crest hasn't been
updated since the 1800s.

467
00:18:16,154 --> 00:18:18,429
And I can assure you,
Rick Drygoods,

468
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:21,599
my son Wolf is a Tobin
through and through.

469
00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:23,396
[crying] Really?
[sniffles]

470
00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:27,254
Sorry. Was just thinking
of my wife Jinny-Belle's grave.

471
00:18:27,348 --> 00:18:30,182
So, what do you think this
son of yours ought to do?

472
00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:33,778
Uh, I'll tell him if I bump
into him on a cattle run.

473
00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,249
Well, from my experience,

474
00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:38,691
shame loses its power
once we embrace it.

475
00:18:38,843 --> 00:18:41,101
Now, that's a lick of wisdom.

476
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,437
Thank you, Mr. Dad.

477
00:18:43,438 --> 00:18:46,774
Good evening, Lone Moose,
and welcome to our screening

478
00:18:46,775 --> 00:18:49,005
of Dropped Off To Die
featuring local hero-

479
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,203
Hold your hot horny horses!

480
00:18:51,356 --> 00:18:52,964
Hey, that's my roommate.

481
00:18:53,191 --> 00:18:55,524
Oh, uh, good evening,
Mr. Drygoods. I-

482
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,368
And to you as well, there,
Mr. Mayor.

483
00:18:57,494 --> 00:19:01,046
Mind if I hitch my wagon to your
microphone and say a few words?

484
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:03,457
-Oh, um, uh, well, I-
-Thank you.

485
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:05,781
Thanks, everyone,
for your big ol' tractor

486
00:19:05,794 --> 00:19:07,036
of a welcome this week.

487
00:19:07,054 --> 00:19:10,373
But I, uh,
have to tell y'all something.

488
00:19:10,391 --> 00:19:12,150
I'm not Rick Drygoods.

489
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,852
[regular accent]
I'm Wolf Tobin.

490
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,654
-[audience gasps]
-[Wolf] My wife is alive and well.

491
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:18,805
-What?!
-What is going on?

492
00:19:18,806 --> 00:19:20,567
Why are you telling people
your wife's dead?

493
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:22,885
Well, the truth is
I've been home for a while,

494
00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:25,663
hiding because I tapped out
of Dropped Off To Die.

495
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:28,908
Wolf is Rick Drygoods?!

496
00:19:29,076 --> 00:19:31,744
Yes, Ham.
And I'm sorry I lied.

497
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:33,646
A wise dad just told me
if I stopped

498
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:36,507
hiding from the shame,
maybe I'd take away its power.

499
00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:41,237
So, now you know,
and I hope you enjoy the show.

500
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,829
? ?

501
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,574
 I'm Donna Nouget,
 and I'm a manager at Walmart.

502
00:19:45,668 --> 00:19:47,910
 Surviving the wilderness
 will be nothing

503
00:19:47,929 --> 00:19:50,930
compared to wrangling carts
 in the parking lot.

504
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,751
 Hi my name's Wolf Tobin,
and I'm a Tobin from Lone Moose.

505
00:19:55,844 --> 00:19:57,844
[audience cheering]

506
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:01,699
 -To the Tobins,
 I'm gonna do you guys proud. -[all] Aw.

507
00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:05,110
-[Wolf]
 Stay the hell back, Snowbins! -[laughing]

508
00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:08,372
[Wolf]
There'll be bones on your hands!

509
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:10,291
[laughing]

510
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,630
 I drank the bad water.

511
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,634
[cheering]

512
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,629
[audience chanting]
Wolf! Wolf!

513
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:25,448
Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

514
00:20:25,541 --> 00:20:27,207
Me? Me? Me?

515
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,277
You guys liked that?

516
00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:29,728
-I loved it!
-[all clamoring]

517
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,955
Wolf, I need to get
your autograph for my niece.

518
00:20:31,956 --> 00:20:33,122
And one for me.

519
00:20:33,140 --> 00:20:36,192
Someday, I'll sign
an autograph for a niece.

520
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:39,979
I just want to say again

521
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,389
thanks for not being
ashamed of me, fam.

522
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,800
Ashamed?
That was hilarious.

523
00:20:44,819 --> 00:20:46,652
You brought joy to dozens.

524
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,895
Huh. The satellite
seems to be out.

525
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,250
He's on to us. Time to burn
the house down. [cackles]

526
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,236
Hey, Moon, you mind sanding down
some of the edges on this?

527
00:20:55,237 --> 00:20:56,403
You got it.

528
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:59,740
No. Not my edges.
Don't sand my little ass!

529
00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:02,986
? Jinny-Belle, oh, Jinny-Belle,
 pretty as a peach ?

530
00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:05,912
? Sweet as pure molasses,
 always fighting geese ?

531
00:21:06,007 --> 00:21:09,416
? Jinny-Belle, oh, Jinny-Belle,
 my sweet darling bride ?

532
00:21:09,417 --> 00:21:11,603
? You distrusted apples,
 wouldn't keep 'em inside ?

533
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:15,180
? When we met at the hoedown,
 you gave me a chance ?

534
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:18,109
? Terrified of music,
 but you sure loved to dance ?

535
00:21:18,336 --> 00:21:21,166
? Jinny-Belle, oh, Jinny-Belle,
 lovely, never plain ?

536
00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:24,264
? Always holding metal,
 especially in the rain ?

537
00:21:24,265 --> 00:21:26,934
? Jinny-Belle, oh, Jinny-Belle,
 you loved flying kites ?

538
00:21:26,935 --> 00:21:28,695
-? So, you're
 right by a cliff- ? -[shrieks]

539
00:21:28,696 --> 00:21:30,529
? Dang! now I am widowed. ?

540
00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:32,791
 Captioning sponsored by
 BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

541
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,209
 and TOYOTA.

542
00:21:35,259 --> 00:21:39,809
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0